my favorite thing i’ve ever realized about harry potter is that the gryffindor and slytherin tables are supposed to be on opposite ends of the great hall???
and therefore every time draco is making a scene at a meal (HEY POTTER HAVE YOU SEEN THE DAILY PROPHET??? HEY POTTER I’M MAKING STUPID FACES AT YOU BECAUSE THE DAILY PROPHET SAYS YOU’RE MAD!!! HEY POTTER I’M PRETENDING TO FAINT AT THE SIGHT OF A DEMENTOR LIKE YOU DID!!!!) he is making an extraordinary effort to be noticed across the entire hall
or harry is making an extraordinary effort to notice him
in my mind it always escalates into them standing on the tables and shouting at each other over the entire school
EXCUSE ME POTTER EXCUSE ME HAVE YOU NOTICED ME YET
NO MALFOY I HAVE NOT NOTICED YOU I NEVER NOTICE YOU GOD THERE’S MALFOY AT THE SLYTHERIN TABLE DOING A THING AGAIN GOD FUCK MALFOY HE’S ALWAYS DOING THINGS WHERE I CAN SEE HIM…THROUGH…CROWDS OF STUDENTS SEATED AT 4 TABLES…I DON’T NOTICE MALFOY…HE’S LOOKING REALLY ILL LATELY IS HE OKAY DO YOU THINK
what if harry had been sorted into slytherin though
- sarcastic bastard and no need to pretend otherwise
- learning the names of people outside your immediate circle of friends??? please
- usually overdramatic, sometimes morally grey
- sirius having to deal with the fact that his godson is a slytherin. a slytherin. james potter’s son is in slytherin. remus can you believe this
- bezzies-by-circumstance with draco malfoy with all the highlights including a) earth-shattering fights, b) someone brazen enough to curb draco’s nastiness, and c) someone unimpressed enough to tell harry to get a fucking grip and stop being so self-righteous all the time potter you frilly whingebag
- (and a friendship with harry/draco reluctantly getting roped into his cause could have changed a whole buncha shit for the malfoys and all that Malfoy Joins the Order With Snape fic of ‘03-‘05 could have come true)
- speaking of, a head of house/student relationship with snape might have saved his character from being entirely reprehensible
- challenging the wizarding public’s views of slytherin house by pitting their ridiculous prejudices against their blind all-consuming love for/faith in harry
- quirrell was a ravenclaw and wormtail was a gryffindor [insert harry’s sarcastic one-liner about all the witches and wizards who went bad being in slytherin here]
- jkr putting her money where her mouth is re: “we’ve all got both light and dark inside us, it’s our choices who make us who we truly are” by putting the boy who lived and eventual saviour of the wizarding world in the ~evil house~
- or even better she could have established slytherin as the ~evil house~ and then dismantled that completely by showing harry surrounded by loving, caring people forced to choose between standing beside their friend harry or supporting voldemort’s/their parents’ cause
- harry’s group of friends torn in two by their parents’ ideology and their loyalty to harry and what they’ve seen to be true while sharing a home with hundreds of halfbloods and muggleborns
- and then members of slytherin house fighting tooth and nail against the people who raised them because harry potter just has that effect on people
- all resulting in an eventual about-face in people’s attitudes towards slytherins
- and when harry has kids they’re proud at the thought of being sorted into slytherin house because their dad was a slytherin and he saved the fucking world
When Steve Kloves (who wrote the majority of the Potter screenplays) met J.K. Rowling for the first time, he told her straight up that Hermione was his favorite character. Rowling admitted to being relieved, and who could blame her? It was more likely for Hermione to end up disrespected on screen—she wouldn’t be the first female hero to get butchered in the reels.
But this resulted in an undercutting of Ron’s entire character from the first movie. Don’t believe it? When the trio go after the Philosopher’s Stone, they face a series of tests that demand each of their skills in turn. Time likely demanded that this sequence be cut down, and so Hermione’s test—solving Professor Snape’s potion riddle—was removed entirely. To make up for this, she gets them out of the Devil’s Snare, Professor Sprout’s deadly plant. Hermione shouts to Harry and Ron to relax so the foliage will release them—but Ron continues to panic and moan (in campiest fashion possible because he’s played by a child actor and these things are always requested of them), requiring Hermione to blast the thing with a sunlight spell.
In the book, Hermione is the one who panics. She remembers what her lessons taught her—that the Devil’s Snare will recoil at fire—but balks at their lack of matches while they are being strangled to death. Ron immediately shrieks to the rescue YOU ARE A WITCH YOU HAVE A WAND YOU KNOW SPELLS WHAT ARE MATCHES.
It’s a simple change, but it makes such a marked difference in how both characters come off to an audience. Rather than a near-infant, incapable of following the clearest directions, Ron is the even-keeled nitty-gritty one. He’s a tactician, the one who will find the simplest answer to a problem provided that the situation is dire enough to ensure his clear head. Ron is good under pressure and brave to boot. He’s also hilarious.
It is easy to write this off as an actor problem; Emma Watson matured and improved much faster than her costars in terms of talent—and Steve Kloves liked her portrayal so much that he started giving her many of Ron’s important lines. During The Prisoner of Azkaban, Sirius Black is trying to get to Peter Pettigrew (currently disguised as Scabbers the Rat), but Ron and Hermione are convinced he’s after Harry. In the book, Ron stares up defiantly from his mangled, broken leg and tells Sirius Black that if he wants Harry, he’ll have to get through his friends first.
Yeah, my leg hurts way too much, Hermione. You take this one. But say it’s from me. And in the film, it’s Hermione who boldly steps in the line of fire while Ron sobs in pain and babbles incoherently.
These rewrites not only depict Ron as an idiot coward—they also make him an outright jerk. When Professor Snape snaps at Hermione yet again for being an insufferable know-it-all, movie-Ron gives her a look and drawls, “He’s right, you know.” Wait, what?! Harry, why are you friends with this prick? Well, maybe because the Ron Weasley that J.K. Rowling put on paper was in that exact same situation, and immediately leapt to Hermione’s defense when she was being abused by a teacher—“You asked us a question and she knows the answer! Why ask if you don’t want to be told?”"
(american voice) hairy padder
is that how we sound omfg
(british voice) ‘arry pouhta
(australian voice) hay putta
(filipino voice) hari paterr
(canadian voice) hairee pawterr
(arab voice) heerry bootar
(malfoy voice) POTTER!
(dumbledore voice) HARRY DIDJA PUT YA NAME IN DA GOBLET OF FIYAH
why don't you like remus/tonks?
here it is, the big one, the question i’ve been waiting for my entire life:
"why don’t i like remus/tonks?"
let’s break it down into bullet points
- the first and perhaps most important point is that remus never wanted to be in a relationship with tonks. he rejected her several times but he was pushed into it because ‘she wants you’ and the ‘you’re an old and poor werewolf, you’re lucky someone wants you’ mindset which is gross as fuck but smeared all over the entire things
- tonks chooses an incredibly unfair way to try and get him to be with her like at one point she literally starts shouting over bill’s hospital bed like ???? have some fucking respect and think about someone other than yourself ???
- tonks’ character is completely torn apart by the entire thing like in ootp when we first see her, she is an incredibly independent, strong, cool character but remadora tears that apart and she becomes clingy and selfish and it’s really horrible to see her reduced to that
- remus is clearly not in a good place, especially not to have a relationship as demanding as the one tonks wants. he has lost all of his friends and he has a terrible financial and living situation plus he has horrible self-esteem issues that need to be sorted the fuck out, he is basically not in the slightest ready for a relationship, something which he knows and TELLS HER BUT SHE IGNORES LIKE COME ONNNNN
moving past the ‘getting together’ stage which is just utter bullshit and really manipulative, they clearly do not have a good relationship once they are actually together [something that could have been predicted the entire fucking time]
- remus literally tries to leave his wife and unborn child like does that not cause alarm bells to blare the fuck out i mean compare the remus of dh with the earlier remus. he is so out of control and vulnerable and wild. that is not a happy relationship, i’m afraid to say.
- and then we have the main catalyst for him leaving: tonks gets pregnant! which of course isn’t her fault but it is a full on reminder of why he never wanted to be with her in the first place. he is a werewolf and the child has a high chance of inheriting his lycanthropy something that, if it had happened, would have destroyed remus
- the first time he is shown as truly happy is when teddy isn’t a werewolf and then later when he is fucking dead like i don’t know about you but i would have thought he would have been happy about being married to someone he is supposed to love?
it’s also incredibly important to note that remus had to be queer [explained better in the article than i could (cw for talk of illness/disease in the article)] and as such making tonks his first and apparently only love is incredibly gross
the queer subtext between remus and sirius is also an important part of the narrative and while sirius is dead before remadora happens, the hospital scene occurs approximately a year after sirius’ death meaning that remus would have been very vulnerable [this would have been true even if they had just been friends like jkr thinks]
there is nothing happy or romantic about remadora, it’s toxic as fuck and incredibly remniscent of a desperate ‘we’re about to die so we need to get together’ relationship except remus never actually wanted to get together but was forced into it through a sense of duty
if anything it’s incredibly sad because tonks gets destroyed in order to be shoved in a marriage with a man who, let’s be honest, would have been horrible to be in a relationship with and remus gets shoved into something he never wanted and spends most of it living in absolute fear that he is going to ruin his child’s life with lycanthropy
and then they die
The Marauders used to take turns taking care of Harry when the others had Order business or were too busy or needed a night off. It became a tradition among them, as they were passing the baby into the next caretaker’s hands, to say “you’re it. good luck.”
The last thing Sirius saw as he was falling through the veil was Remus running over to Harry, and the last thought that ran through his head was “you’re it. good luck.”
can you imagine remus harping on sirius all the time for smelling like a wet dog, and sirius one day gets so tired of it that he just bathes himself in amortentia so he’ll smell like things remus loves. and then he just smugly goes up to remus, “what do i smell like now?” and remus just rolls his eyes like, “you smell like chocolate and wet dog, nice try covering it up.”
sirius starts going colorblind in azkaban; it’s subtle, slow, and so he doesn’t realize it until after he escapes. he thinks, must have been all that time spent as padfoot, so there’s nothing he can do about it now; once his name is cleared, he thinks, he’ll see what can be done about it.
once it becomes obvious that his name is not going to be cleared, not for a long while, he puts it out of his mind. there are more important things to deal with; looking after harry, first of all. it’s not until the summer after the triwizard tournament when he’s staying with remus that he wonders if anything can be done.
'do you think there are potions or something?' he asks remus after telling him what's happened. remus just looks uncomfortable, and a little sad, which is mostly how remus has looked ever since sirius arrived here.
'i don't think so,' remus says. 'the effects of prolonged dementor exposure are supposed to be permanent. that's what everything i've read has said, though of course there's not any good research on the subject—'
'you researched that?' sirius asks, surprised. 'when?'
'a long time ago.'
'hm.' sirius laughs a little, awkwardly. 'i thought it was because i was padfoot for so long.'
'oh. no, i don't think so, sirius.'
there’s a silence. sirius is growing to hate silences. ‘well, at least this explains all the grays i’ve been seeing in your hair, moony.’
'ah.' remus smiles slightly. 'no, that's all me, i'm afraid.'